Forget the CFP. End all the debate and close the door on this season right now.
Give the University of Central Florida football team the 2017 national title.
That is all.
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It seems not everyone was convinced by Wednesday’s post on this site and the accompanying research of R. Alexander Pyron, suggesting that, in layman’s terms, human beings are the species worth saving here on planet Earth. For not one day later, while perusing the alumni magazine that occasionally arrives at my home (that would be the Fall 2017 edition of Binghamton University Magazine) I stumbled upon this gem in the campus news section:
Physical facilities workers built and installed more than 30 new ramps on the Connector Road to help yellow-spotted salamanders make their annual spring migration from woods to water in the Nature Preserve. Previous ramps, installed in the ’90s, created obstacles for snowplows; the new ramps are cut into the curbs.
Two things I often find myself saying:
- Where do I even begin?
- This is not a joke.
Don’t worry, though. I hear the salamanders are going to pay for it. Not up front, mind you, but I understand they’ve worked out a payment plan with the state legislature to reimburse all costs over a multi-year period, perhaps a payment in lieu of taxes arrangement concurrent with their unpaid bills from those “previous ramps.” We should start to see a return on investment very soon.
Thanks for making me look smart, BU.
The Outlook section of Sunday’s Washington Post (that’s my local paper) contained an article headlined “Species die. Get over it.”
Don’t need much coffee after that.
It was not April Fool’s Day. I hadn’t picked up The Washington Times by mistake. I was not reading The Onion by mistake, and I was not actually watching Saturday Night Live. This was a real article by a real biologist (a Mr. R Alexander Pyron) suggesting that yes, species disappear from the planet all the time. We don’t need to go to the ends of the earth (literally) to save them. The species we need to worry about saving is us. You know… da humans.
Hidden gem in the Outlook section. Yeah, there’s the usual drivel about climate change and consuming less and all that. But there are some great zingers too about the silly efforts to save some bizarre animal you’ve never heard of.
I mention this all because I actually met Mr. Pyron yesterday afternoon. He seemed very knowledgeable even though his nametag read “trainee.” He said he had just started working at Wendy’s after a long career in academia ended Monday, after the publishing of said article.
Today, apparently, is something called “Cyber Monday.”
I think it’s a little unnecessary.
We should send a telegram to everyone who still shops at stores like a 20th-century cretin.
Every day is Cyber Monday.
Most places in the world the day after Thanksgiving is like the day that doesn’t exist.
Except here. Today exists.
Though we kind of half ass it.
Whether you call it Turkey Day, Black Friday Eve, or that holiday between Halloween and Christmas, tomorrow is a special day for seemingly all Americans. It’s amazing to me, someone who meets people from many different cultures on a daily basis (substitute teacher guy is quite cosmopolitan), the number of foreign families who adopt Thanksgiving (so their kids claim, anyway). You come from the other side of the world, no doubt with your own holidays and observances, and you eschew some that we have here. But Thanksgiving you like… you take that one. It’s a universally appealing thought, no? Giving thanks?
I, for one, am for it.
And I’ve got a lot to be thankful for.
Happy Thanksgiving!
I’ve been watching sports for almost 30 years, and the end of yesterday’s game between my hometown Washington Redskins and the Saints of New Orleans was the most unbelievable conclusion I’d ever seen. Asinine, actually, is the way I’d describe it as a Redskins fan, though I suppose by now I should be used to it.
Without going into great detail, let’s just say the ‘Skins had the game won, only to have victory snapped from the, well, you get the idea. (And after blowing the lead… to have so many chances still to win… ugh.)
By way of comparison, only the 1972 Olympic gold medal basketball match between the U.S. and the Soviet Union comes to mind. Think of that game, then imagine if there had been no cheating Communist officials to hand the game to the Soviets. Just imagine that it happened legitimately. That’s how the Redskins lost yesterday.
That’s pretty bad.
Might as well go a full week on Binghamton basketball.
Can you believe the Bearcats had a six-point lead last night on the road against George Mason? A real team in a real conference that plays in a real arena?
Well, in the second half they played like a real team and Binghamton played like Binghamton.
Speaking of Binghamton basketball…
Remember in 2008 the BU player from Serbia? Beat a fellow student in at a bar in downtown Binghamton and they fled back to Serbia with fake travel papers? We never got him back to the U.S. (despite the intervention of Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and a host of other politicians) and Serbia let him off with a slap on the wrist?
Okay, yeah, so think about that, then think about our idiot basketball players from UCLA, facing something like eyeball gouging or finger mutilation for theft in China. We get ’em back (thanks, President Trump!) in a matter of days, somehow avoiding an international incident.
I’m still not quite sure what to make of this, and t’ll be interesting to see what their punishment is. (Making them transfer to Binghamton?)
There’s only one guy in the world who wishes it had all been a bigger deal.
I’m looking at you, Al Franken.
The Binghamton Bearcats, obviously, saving it up for the NCAA Tournament.
Redskins and Capitals on the same program.
Upstate New York clash of titans tonight as undefeated Binghamton University travels to Ithaca to face the Big Red of Cornell. Next up for the Bearcats, of course, is their trip my way to play George Mason University in Fairfax, Virginia, looking to continue their perfect season.
Do I see Dancing in their future?