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New controversy surrounds the Redskins

Posted on November 6, 2017 by moc

Never mind my hometown football team’s exciting and surprising win yesterday against the Seattle Seahawks. The real news around Washington football had nothing to do with the game, the national anthem, or our politically incorrect nickname.

It had to do with pizza.

Yes, pizza was a main topic of discussion in yesterday’s press, specifically the page-two story in The Washington Post concerning players’ favorite pizzerias in town. The debate arose among allegations that Papa John’s, the NFL’s official sponsor, had lost business because of said league’s current controversy surrounding the national anthem. You see, players protest the anthem, fans get angry, and respond not by boycotting the league, but by boycotting its pizza sponsor.

Yup. That’s the line towed by Papa John’s brass in response to its slumping third quarter sales.

Yup.

Investigators at the Post–same folks who gave you Woodword and Bernstein, remember–wanted to know: Is Papa John’s really any good?

According to players? Third place, by a very unscientific survey. Ahead of it? Pizza Hut and Domino’s. Talk about uninspired choices.

To be fair some ‘Skins players gave unusual answers, but those answers were sort of diluted in this pizzagate inquiry.

Hard-hitting journalism never stops in this town.

Game Seven was no Halloween

Posted on November 3, 2017 by moc

Anti-climactic.

That’s how I’d describe Game Seven of the 2017 World Series. Still, though, one of the greatest series of all time.

To be honest I’m not sure I could have taken much more drama, following the five-day candy bender that was Halloween. As I wrote last week, Halloween on a Tuesday seemed like such a good idea at the time… but with parties starting Friday and continuing all weekend I was limping through the final stages on Tuesday night.

The past two days, of course, have been what we call the Halloween Hangover. Oh, those candies still look so good. Then next week… the jawbreakers, the gobstoppers, and finally the bubble gum.

And then it is Christmas.

And it all begins again.

This is just bizarre

Posted on November 1, 2017 by moc

An organization called the “New Virginia Majority Education Fund” has delivered several fliers to my home recently. These are full-color, high-gloss jobs, and as someone who used to be in the business (both actually… politics and the mails) I know these ain’t cheap.

The NVMEF (if I may) is promoting its “Campaign for a Family Friendly Economy,” urging me to vote on November 7. Vote exactly how and for whom I’m not sure, as the flier doesn’t list any candidates or ballot initiatives. “Paid leave!” “Affordable college!” “Living wages!” “Affordable elder care!” and other vague platitudes are pretty much all they got. “It shouldn’t be so expensive to live and raise a family here,” reads the advertisement. Exactly whom we’re putting the screws on to lower prices everywhere is a bit unclear. Just make things cost less? That’s how six-year-olds think.

“In a Family Friendly Economy, hardworking people would have more time and money to invest in themselves and the people they love. And Virginia businesses could attract and retain the best employees, helping strengthen our economy for everyone.”

One-eyed communism.

Here are a few things we might invest in first:

Magical money trees.
Suspension of the laws of economics.
The rare ability that certain lawmakers possess in which they can spend money other people’s money on you without spending any of your money on anyone else.

What was the number of that ballot initiative again?

Just wow.

Posted on October 30, 2017 by moc

Most. Epic. Baseball game. Of all time.

Do I have an analogy for it? I don’t know… watching an Ali fight in a typhoon? While listening to The Who and watching Scarface on a giant screen?

I’m going to try to explain this to my son some day. You were 10 feet away in the next room, sleeping. It was the closest I ever came to waking you up in the middle of the night. Just to be part of something amazing.

I was going to be slogging through my day anyway; I’ve been to four Halloween parties already and it isn’t even Halloween yet. Halloween on a Tuesday and partying all weekend sounded like such a good idea too.

Just wow.

That was it?

Posted on October 27, 2017 by moc

I’ve been waiting 25 years for the secret JFK assassination files to be unleashed upon the American public.

Seriously? A bunch of redacted bureaucratic gobbledygook?

Somebody get Donald Sutherland on a park bench and tell him to start talking.

World Series brings it old school

Posted on October 25, 2017 by moc

I can’t help it… I’ve got Dodger fever this World Series. Let’s face it, they were the only team among baseball’s “final four” that didn’t eliminate one of the teams I actually like and follow during the regular season.

To last night’s game, I could have sworn I was watching a sandy-haired Sandy Koufax on the mound. Kershaw’s gem was outdone perhaps only by two relievers who were Dodger dominant as they have been all postseason. The way their bullpen can shut down a game really is ridiculous and completely unfair, considering they’ve also got Kershaw, Hill, and Darvish.

But the most amazing stat from yesterday’s game?

Kershaw’s 11 Ks? First-pitch home run from Chris Taylor?

How about two hours and 28 minutes?

Seriously? A World Series game? Two hours and 28 minutes? Fox didn’t know what to do with themselves between the end of the game and its cut to 11:00 newscasts. (More shots of David Ortiz’s shoes.)

In Los Angeles (and elsewhere on the west coast) the game ended only a few minutes after 7:30. Ended a few minutes after 7:30. It was practically a day game.

Day game? Dodgers? Dominating pitching? Was that Walt Alston I saw in the dugout?

If they’ve got Drysdale going today it’s not just Game One that’s going to be short.

Pseudocampaigning is here again

Posted on October 23, 2017 by moc

I received a letter from my member of Congress the other day. That’s Barbara Comstock, “Republican”-District 10 of Virginia, also known as Barbara Comstock-Libous. Actually, to say the letter came from my congressmember is a bit misleading. The letter came from me, because I paid for it. “Public servant, official business,” reads the return address. Ms. Comstock’s signature is reproduced where a stamp would usually appear, like some 18th-century franking mark.

The “official business” promoted is a meet-and-greet with Ms. Comstock at a local library. That’s a thinly-veiled campaign event advertised in thinly-veiled campaign literature paid for by not-so-thinly-veiled tax dollars. Thanks, Barb.

The last time I contacted Ms. Comstock’s office was some years ago, when I requested that I no longer receive taxpayer-financed campaign literature at my home. Would you like it sent to your e-mail instead? inquired her eager staffer.

I’m still wondering whether that was a joke.

Everything is falling into place

Posted on October 20, 2017 by moc

The stage is set. I’m ready. Casual fans are ready. Fox studio executives and advertisers are certainly ready.

Salivating is more like it.

One more win tonight or tomorrow for the Yankees of New York and they will be in baseball’s World Series, their first such trip since 2009. For the already-in Dodgers of Los Angeles it is their first trip since 1988. It’s the first New York-LA championship of any major sport in my lifetime. (The most recent was Yankees-Dodgers in 1981.) This is bound to be the most epic World Series since, well, last year. But last year was epic.

None of this matters, of course, without one more win from the Bronx Bombers. So this is it… one more win. One final ride.

Yankees-Astros series now a series

Posted on October 18, 2017 by moc

Note to self for when counting the Yankees out of a playoff series: Do not count the Yankees out of a playoff series. Down 0-2? Got ’em right where we want ’em.

This is one final ride, remember?

One final ride.

I don’t make jokes… I just watch the government and report the facts

Posted on October 16, 2017 by moc

There’s a weekly “newspaper” in my community called the Loudoun Times-Mirror. I leaf through it occasionally for a laugh or two, or really because my son likes to retrieve it from the world’s last surviving newspaper box.

An article from its September 28 issue is titled “Report: County under-funding local nonprofits.”

You can’t make this stuff up.

A yearlong review has confirmed what many Loudoun County residents have been saying for years—the county is grossly under-funding its nonprofits.

So say the people who expect to receive that money.

Remember that kid who said his allowance was too high? Yeah, he wasn’t in this survey either.

Something called the “Institute for Policy and Governance” at Virginia Tech conducted the study, and reported its findings to the county’s Board of Supervisors. Didn’t say who funded the study, but I’m pretty sure at the end of the day it’s you, me, and every other taxpaying sucker at the county, state, or federal level. (Or if you’re me: all three.) I’m guessing whatever the survey cost could have been redirected toward closing that funding gap, no?

As I often find myself saying, I don’t even know where to begin.

Overall, the report recommended the county increase the amount of nonprofit funding it provides to the tune of $263,000 to $288,000.

(Can’t they, in all their wizardry, come up with the exact amount?)

But here’s the best part…

Stakeholders, however, are recommending a $1 million increase.

Ha! A million? Why not a trillion or a hundred gazillion? How much money do you think you should get from the government?

Same answer your seven-year-old answers when asked about his allowance… the highest number he can possibly think of.

Quasi-government types really need to learn how to think bigger.