There are two teams I need this weekend not to play like I remember them from my youth. One would be the Washington Bullets—er, Wizards—who Wednesday night played much more like the hapless Bullets with whom I grew up than their 2017 counterparts.

The second would be this year’s NCAA tournament Cinderella, the South Carolina Gamecocks. Growing up I’m pretty sure I didn’t even realize South Carolina had a basketball program. “Carolina” simply meant one thing: UNC. Well, now the Heels have got company, and if I want to see any return on investment from my annual foray into basketball bracketology, I’ve got to have the Gamecocks playing like their neighbors to the north.

Is that too much to ask?