The latest sensation to hit the Internet these days, of course, is “Pilk,” the unholy combination of Pepsi and milk touted by, among others, actress Lindsay Lohan.

“Grasping at straws,” is how I’d describe that one.

Drinking straws, no doubt.

Also known as a “dirty soda,” the pairing of soda and milk has been around for some time. I mean, we all tried mixing things together when we were growing up, right? In those days before YouTube kept us occupied? To me the Pepsi-Cola company, here, is just trying to monetize what’s basically a baking soda volcano–a neat trick but not much else.

For a hundred years Coca-Cola has been the beverage of Christmas, no question. Remember when Fuller drank Pepsi in the original Home Alone? That faux pas should have made him the one they left at home. On purpose. (And remember in Home Alone 2 when every five seconds someone is either drinking a Coke or looking at an advertisement for a Coke? Yeah, that’s no accident.)

“Pilk” is a desperate attempt by Pepsi Inc. to horn in on Coke’s holiday territory. I’m not falling for it.

Thirty years after being a child star and decades into her grownup stardom Lindsay Lohan is still bringing it.

But it’ll take a Christmas miracle to save this one.