Holiday festivities this season have centered around striking a balance between what I can and cannot allow my nine-year-old son to experience. For example, 8-Bit Christmas? Yeah, he can handle that. South Park Christmas? Not so much.

It’s not that I don’t think he’ll get it. I worry he’ll get it a little too well.

Bloom’s off the rose with Santa Claus; there are only so many things left to keep sacred.