I’m pretty sure I’m the only commentator left in America who has not weighed in on “Deflate-gate.” Let me amend that.

By now we have all heard the story—under-inflated footballs used in the AFC Championship Game seemingly with the knowledge of the home team—and speculated about which Patriots knew what and who told who to lie about it. Guh. At least we stopped talking about domestic violence and child abuse for a few minutes. Anyone know there’s a game on Sunday?

The real problem is that this is exactly what the Super Bowl is. People who don’t care about football 364 days a year jumping in for one day to watch singers, dancers, commercials, wardrobe malfunctions, and sixth grade gossip.

To the game, I do think the Patriots will emerge victorious, regardless of what size balls are used. Too bad their victory’s already tainted. And they’re really in a no-win situation here: win and you’re still a cheater; lose and you obviously got here only by cheating.

Pitchers and catchers report in 21 days.