The future

When I was a kid and we talked about the future it was always flying cars and robots.

Now that we’re here the most interesting thing to me about “the future” is being able to go to the grocery store.

Math practice

Of 15 games scheduled across Major League Baseball yesterday only eight of them were actually played. Of those eight games, four of them were shutouts. (What is this, 1968?)

In the remaining four games, losing teams scored 1, 3, 3, and 7 runs, for a total of 14. Considering the four zeroes, losing teams scored an average of 1.75 runs. That would be the mean. The mode was zero, the median was 0.5, and the range was 7.

Just wanted to get back in practice a little bit.

End of an era?

It dawned on me yesterday that in the virtual-schooling era we are never going to have a “snow day,” or any other cancellation because we can’t get to school. Connectivity issues cancelling school maybe, but not weather.

And come to think of it, even if (no… when!) we do go back to in-person classes, will we ever cancel school for any reason ever again? We’re already in like the worst crisis in world history and we’re still having school; I don’t think a few flakes of snow is going to do it. And speaking of which, that issue–closing school because there’s a trace of snow on the ground–just became more acute. Now that we know we can go to school online, is there ever a reason to send the buses out when there’s even a flake of snow on the ground? Or it’s below about 43 degrees?

Talk about a new world we’re living in.

It’s not that fun alone

You know what sport really needs actual fans in the stadium?

Not just because I don’t otherwise care about it, but because this sport’s fans are notoriously part of its tapestry…

yeah, that communist sport we all play as kids… soccer.

Yesterday’s Champions League final between Paris Saint-Germain and Bayern Munich just wasn’t the same without 100,000 rowdy people there with the players, no?

Reason number 50 billion life needs to get back to normal.

Caps still alive

My hometown NHL club (that would be the Washington Capitals) staved off elimination last night, I’m afraid though just prolonging the inevitable: a first-round playoff loss. I still like their chances better than I do those of the Portland Trailblazers, though, who despite last night’s win still have quite a climb against the Lakers in their first-round bubble matchup.

Gotta love hockey and basketball in the summertime.

Caps melting

I do love hockey games that start at noon, as my hometown Washington Capitals faced off yesterday against the underdog Islanders of New York in the Toronto ice bubble.

Several hours later, however, I wasn’t really feeling too good about summer hockey at all, as my hometown Caps dropped their third game in a row to their lower-seeded opponents.

Opponents from Long Island.

That’s just embarrassing.

Finding amusement in little things

While perusing the nutritional labels of my pantry items the other day (quarantine life) I came across an unusual description on my can of PAM spray butter. Actually, no, it’s not PAM, it’s Wegmans brand, and actually it’s not spray butter either, it’s “cooking spray, butter flavor.” (Apparently both “PAM” and “butter” are copyrighted.”) But here’s the best part… serving size: “1/5 sec. spray.”

“Hey, Google… set timer for one-fifth of a second!”

Stranger still is that every single value following the serving size is either zero or zero percent. I’m assuming that these values are something like 0.499 and conveniently round down for the 1/5 of a second serving. Some guy in a lab coat somewhere is figuring out that at a quarter or a third of a second you’d have to admin that the product actually contains nutritional value.

Actually his quote was something like, “I came into the office for this?”