Feels like Spring

Forget June in January. This is March in December. The new College Football Playoff bracket has brought a touch of March Madness to an already glorious season (I mean Christmas, not football), and I’m ready to jump on the 12-team-bracket bandwagon. As there will be every year, sure there’s a team or two at 13 or 14 that thinks it should be in, but such is life. And let me place one vote in favor of the delicious intrastate game between Notre Dame and Indiana, proof that the bracketmakers have a little sense of humor in their dealings.

And somebody, please, cue up “One Shining Moment”!

Christmas Schedule, official

It’s Christmastime again. Time to make a list and check it twice.

You’ve heard me and Franklin talk about it on the two most recent episodes of Math and Musings: our Christmas list. Well, not Christmas list… Christmas schedule. “List” is the people I send cards to. “Schedule” is the things one must do between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Here’s the official schedule for 2024, now up to an even hundred.

Things to do between Thanksgiving and Christmas, 2024 edition.

  1. Listen to Frank Sinatra’s A Jolly Christmas from Frank Sinatra. Recorded in 1957, it set the bar high for holiday albums. Preferably listened to on long-playing record, where one can easily note the change in mood from contemporary (side one) to traditional (side two), I like to listen to this album in its entirety late on Thanksgiving evening.
  2. Put up Christmas lights in the den. Nothing looks better than the glow of your television backlit by multi-colored bulbs.

Speaking of your TV… watch these Christmas specials.

  1. A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)
  2. It’s Christmastime Again, Charlie Brown (1992)
  3. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964)
  4. How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (1966)
  5. Frosty the Snowman (1969)
  6. Frosty Returns (1993). I recently learned the correct date of this one.
  7. A Garfield Christmas (1987)
  8. “Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire” (first full episode of The Simpsons; original airdate: December 17, 1989)
  9. “The Strike” (the “Festivus” episode of Seinfeld; original airdate: December 18, 1997)
  10. “Classy Christmas” episode of The Office (original airdate: December 9, 2010)
  11. “The Night of the Meek” episode of The Twilight Zone (original airdate: December 23, 1960)
  12. “Road to the North Pole” episode of Family Guy, original airdate: December 12, 2010
  13. “Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo” episode of South Park (original airdate: December 17, 1997)

16-19. Four episodes of The Wonder Years, Christmas-themed episodes from Seasons 2 and Seasons 4-6 (1988 and 1990-92)

  1. The BBC broadcast of Raymond Briggs’ The Snowman. (One of those rare circumstances in which the movie is better than the book.) Double bonus if you watch the American version with an intro from that famous American, David Bowie!
  2. Mickey’s Christmas Carol (1983). Dickens got nothin’ on this one.
  3. Mickey’s Once Upon a Christmas (1999). Now 25 years old, this one qualifies as classic.
  4. “Phineas and Ferb Christmas Vacation.” First airing in December 2009, this is the first of two Phineas and Ferb Christmas specials. This is the one you want to watch, as Phineas and Ferb save Christmas as only they can.

And the full-length movies one must watch.

  1. Home Alone (1990)
  2. Home Alone 2 (1992). Yeah, it’s not the first one, but damned if it hasn’t grown on me the last few years. Watching it with my son has helped, and it’s going to make the second edition of 365 Movies. My highest praise.
  3. A Christmas Story (1983)
  4. A Christmas Story Christmas (2022). Also a 365 addition.
  5. Elf (2003)
  6. Holiday Inn (1942)
  7. White Christmas (1954)
  8. It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)
  9. Bad Santa (2003)
  10. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989). Every year I think this movie is so silly I’m going to take it off the list, but then December rolls around and I just have to see it.
  11. Vegas Vacation (1997). It really has nothing to do with Christmas, but I watched it one year at Christmas time and it just made sense.
  12. Hook (1991). Sort of a Christmas movie and should be watched once a year anyway, so why not?
  13. 8-bit Christmas (2021). This one’s going to make Top 365 too.
  14. Single All the Way (2021). Possible 365 addition.
  15. Happiest Season (2020). Further proof that the new ones are growing on me.

Certain things you’ll want to eat or drink…

  1. Coca-Cola (the beverage of Christmas)
  2. an old-school regular peppermint candy cane
  3. those white nougat candies with the tree image in the center
  4. Roasted chestnuts. Roasted.
  5. those cheap shortbread cookies that are dyed pink or green and are surprisingly delicious, not to be confused with the ones that come in the blue tins
  6. those cookies that come in the blue tins
  7. a chocolate orange (now available in several flavors, I go for the one with pop rocks; and why do they not sell these all year?!)
  8. chocolate bar wrapped to look like a hundred-dollar bill (same question as above)
  9. Martinelli’s sparkling cider
  10. cinnamon rolls for breakfast (Christmas Eve or Christmas Day)
  11. crescent rolls for dinner (same)
  12. S’mores. Homemade. Preferably prepared outside, but inside if you must.
  13. one of those Reece’s peanut butter “trees”
  14. stovetop popcorn. Strung up, eaten, or both.
  15. hot chocolate
  16. Chips and dip. My only childhood memory of my father’s parents’ house is eating potato chips and sour cream and onion dip on Christmas Eve from a garish ’70s-era green chip-and-dip bowl set. In your recreation any bowl will do.
  17. Wendy’s Peppermint Frosty (tell Wendy to bring this back every year)
  18. eggnog (I recently learned it is one word, not two)
  19. grown-up eggnog
  20. Peppermint Bark
  21. One (or more) of those “holiday” pies from McDonald’s. Yeah, “holiday.” They can’t even say what kind of fruit or cream or whatever it is. It’s just holiday deliciousness.
  22. Little Debbie’s Christmas Trees. Oh, snack of my youth… where ya been the last few years? Thanks, Debbie, for bringing this one back.
  23. Elf goldfish crackers. “Goldfish.” How this is in any way related to old-school goldfish crackers is beyond me. Classic Oreoification.
  24. gingerbread cookies (not gingerbread man shaped but actual gingerbread) 
  25. Perry’s White Christmas ice cream (this has eclipsed peppermint stick as the new ice cream of Christmas)

Things to hear…

Other than Sinatra’s album (see #1) there are a few that must be listened to in their entirety.

  1. Vince Guaraldi Trio’s A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)
  2. Tony Bennett’s A Swingin’ Christmas. Recorded with the Count Basie Big Band in 2008, proof that at 82, the man could still swing.
  3. Ella Fitzgerald’s Ella Wishes You a Swinging Christmas. Recorded in 1960, it took nearly a half century for another Christmas album to swing as hard.
  4. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, full album that accompanied the movie including instrumental bonus tracks.
  5. A Christmas Story (Music from the Motion Picture). Same basic idea as above, it’s the musical from the movie you’ve seen a million times and can therefore picture exactly what’s going on as you hear the audio cues.
  6. My own Christmas playlists on Spotify, now totaling nearly six hours of holiday music.
  7. Speaking of my own: I paid for this Christmas party! Listened to in its entirety.
  8. Dr. Suess’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas studio album. Yeah, it’s really just the audio track of the TV special, but worth 25 minutes of your time. Radio theater at its finest. 

Places to go…

  1. The mall. Every community has a place simply referred to as “the mall.” Go there and experience the true meaning of Christmas.
  2. A giant decorated tree in a shopping plaza (again, everyone has one… or in Loudoun County we have about a dozen).
  3. Big Lots… trust me, weird off-brand Christmas stuff.
  4. Dunkin’ (Donuts)… best Christmas menu of your standard commercial food operations.
  5. Starbucks. Credit where credit is due.
  6. Check out the red lights lining Georgetown Parkway at Krop’s Crops in Great Falls.
  7. Visit “the intersection” in Great Falls, Virginia. This is where Georgetown Parkway meets Walker Road, basically the only intersection in town. Highlighted by the Village Centre shopping mall (classy enough to warrant the British spelling of centre), this corner is pretty much 360 degrees of holiday cheer. Drink in the holiday awesomeness.

Other things to see, hear, taste, read, do, or experience.

  1. Red stripes on my front porch pillars? Nope, don’t have pillars any more. But I do have a giant tree out front… which has been wrapped like a 20-foot-tall candy cane. I get to do it because I was the one in my neighborhood who thought of it first.
  2. Take a journey out to the Meadowlark Botanical Gardens in Vienna (Virginia, not Austria) and walk through the “Winter Walk of Lights.” Worth the walk.
  3. Drive through the Bull Run Festival of Lights (Centreville, Va.), amazingly even better than the walk-through at Meadowlark, seen from the comfort of your car.
  4. See a performance of The Nutcracker, or at least listen to the “soundtrack” in its entirety.
  5. Enjoy an evening at home watching that yule log image on your television.
  6. Find a Christmas party at someone’s house (preferably way nicer than your own house) and go there. Bonus points if you’re playing the piano and getting paid to be there.
  7. Donate toys to charity.
  8. Get one of those fancy cheese calendars from Aldi and enjoy delicious foreign cheese every day in December.
  9. Deposit money in one of those Salvation Army red kettles.
  10. Read Truman Capote’s “One Christmas.”
  11. Read Truman Capote’s “A Christmas Memory.” Double bonus points if you pair it with #90.
  12. Have Jack Daniel’s on Sinatra’s birthday (December 12). This really has nothing to do with Christmas but it does fall in the season. You should have Jack Daniel’s from time to time anyway just to be reminded of what a real drink tastes like, before the world was overrun by girly cocktails and macchiatos with skim milk.
  13. Recite Clement Clarke Moore’s “A Visit from St. Nicholas.” You know it as “The Night Before Christmas.” First appearing in a Troy, New York, newspaper in December of 1823, it still plays in 2024.
  14. Read Mercer Mayer’s Merry Christmas Mom and Dad.
  15. Watch one of your old home movies filmed at Christmastime. Double bonus points if it’s on VHS.
  16. Make a new home movie. Triple a million bonus points if you’re recording it on VHS. Minus a million points if you’re recording on your phone.
  17. Handwritten Christmas cards. The day I can’t handle sending personal handwritten notes to my friends at Christmas… that’s my last Christmas.
  18. Get a real Christmas tree. No shiny aluminum ones.
  19. Bring in keyboard and sing Christmas carols with students on the final day before Winter Break. Two reasons. One, show off a bit, and two, who’s really doing schoolwork on this day anyway?

And finally, everyone has his or her own unique Christmas toys or games that have special meaning. For me I have two from my childhood and one from adulthood.

  1. The mouse Advent calendar. Back before Advent calendars were ubiquitous (and could set you back 20, 50, or 100 bucks depending how adult you wanted them to be), I had a simple cloth calendar that hung on my bedroom door. There were 24 pockets, and each day a little toy mouse moved from pouch to pouch, producing a toy, money, or treat each day. I’ve now given Franklin the calendar and he’s brought the tradition into the 21st century. I’m also on the third generation of cats who like to steal that little mouse.
  2. The dancing Coca-Cola bear. Purchased in about 1993, this item always makes me smile. It’s a stuffed bear, about a foot tall, holding an upright bass and wearing sunglasses. It sits on a pedestal adorned with the Coca-Cola label, and dances to a medley of “Jingle Bells” and “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing.”
  3. Also from the world of Coke memorabilia… a Holiday 2005 glass bottle which sits on my bookshelf 12 months a year. The beverage was consumed almost 20 years ago but the bottle looks like it just came off the factory line. It was the last thing my father ever gave me. (Well, last physical thing.)

Book drops tomorrow

We’ve waited and waited and it’s finally almost here.

No, not Christmas… the release of From Box Scores to Test Scores, my new book available at Amazon and other fine retailers.

From its online description…

What started as strictly a motivation to help minority male students (shown to be lagging behind in standardized testing but often showing an interest in sports) soon became an inclusive program designed to help all students, assisting those originally targeted without shortchanging anyone else.
Not really a textbook per se, From Box Scores to Test Scores is a combination math primer, autobiography, and comedy script. The sample problems within vary from elementary level to, well, a lot more than that.
From the classroom to the test page to real life, From Box Scores to Test Scores is your playbook for success!

Yup, that’s about it, and yeah, I wrote that blurb too.

Be brave. Buy a copy of From Box Scores to Test Scores.

There’s no quiz at the end… but if someday there is, I promise it’ll be open book.

You’ll be prepared.

Back to Commanding

Just when I thought I was giving up on pro football this season and jumping on the Capitals bandwagon (best record in the east–why not, right?), my local NFL team (that would be the Washington Commanders) put on a clinic yesterday afternoon and have me falling for their wiles yet again. Somehow the team that has won a grand total of one playoff game this century has me toddling around like Charlie Brown readying a placekick.

Me and everybody else in the DMV. This is how we roll. Bandwagon all the way!

Thanksgiving Eve brings it

True, I’ve called Thanksgiving the most overrated American holiday, but damn if the day before Thanksgiving isn’t great. Like Valentine’s Day or St. Patrick’s Day it may mean very different things to you at different ages or life circumstances, but I’d call any of them fantastic whether considered in the context of the week or totally out of context as a single day.

Cheers to Thanksgiving Eve, whatever your plans may be.

Commanders ain’t commanding any more

My local NFL team is the Washington Commanders. It’s not the Cubs or Red Sox from the previous century. It’s not the Brooklyn Dodgers of the early ’50s or the Mets of the early ’60s, and it’s certainly not Charlie Brown.

They’re not a bunch of lovable losers.

Lovable losers find charming ways to lose games, not the turnovers and special teams debacle I saw yesterday against our division rival, the Cowboys of Dallas.

The Commanders have lost three games in a row, perhaps regressing to the mean after winning six of their previous seven games.

After playing at a playoff-caliber level for two months I’m seeing mediocrity, and looking for the exit row off the bandwagon.

But I had such a good seat I just can’t give it up.

For the kids

Several weeks ago Franklin and I participated in a charity fundraiser for Children’s Miracle Network.

(Pause to bask in glow of philanthropy before revealing…)

It was a 25-hour gaming marathon and yeah, Franklin would have stayed the full 25 hours had I not dragged him out.

Further details on today’s episode of Math and Musings.

Enjoy.

The Wild Robot

For two months I avoided seeing The Wild Robot because I figured it would be just a cheap version of WALL-E or some thinly-veiled criticism of capitalism or America in general.

It is not.

Proof that sometimes the hype really is true, and 50 million theatre-goers (or whatever they’re up to) can’t be wrong, The Wild Robot really is that good.

It’s beautiful, it’s inspiring, and appealing, no doubt, to kids from one to 92.

If you’re one of the half dozen people who hasn’t seen it yet (as I was until this weekend) do yourself a favor.

You won’t be disappointed.