Yesterday I made the pilgrimage all Northern Virginians must now undertake, a journey to Nova Wild in Reston. Formerly the Reston Zoo, Nova Wild is the 21st century version of going to the zoo, an immersive experience that makes the old zoo look like a junk heap of boomboxes and flip phones.

For the past few years I’ve figured traditional zoos would go the way of plastic straws and Sea Worlds and disappear in a cloud of woke. Locking up animals so we could gawk at them? Okay, Boomer.

I’ll admit Nova Wild does have a few traditional animal displays. Traditional displays, not traditional animals. If you’re looking for a giraffe or an elephant you’d better head to Africa. Or take out your phone and search up a pic. The folks at Nova Wild know you’ve seen the usual suspects already. It’s 2023. You want to see an axolotl or a red ruffed lemur? You’ve come to the right place.

A zoo in 2023 is not just the animals. It’s animal welfare, education, and conservation. Accredited by the Zoological Association of America and certified by American Humane.

Wow, did these guys do their homework or what?

Topping it all off, of course, is the drive-thru safari.

You read that correctly.

You do not go to this part of the zoo. The zoo comes to you.

Picture Jurassic Park, but instead of dinosaurs it’s alpacas and reindeer coming up to your car. Or a bison. Or an emu.

Did I mention you are the one driving your car? Yeah, your car. They give you a bowl of food to feed the animals. Stick your hand out the car window and feed a buffalo.

I swear to God I am not making this up.

It’s, well… wild. There is no false advertising here.

Nova Wild has been open for a few weeks now and I imagine soon everyone in the DMV will have paid a visit. One of them, no doubt, will decide to fight the peacock or outrun the cheetah. I’ve seen Jurassic Park and I know these great ideas have a way of going south. Oh, it won’t be the animals’ fault. Not the animals on display anyway, but rather the so-called noble savages driving the cars.

I just hope it makes a good story when we show up on CNN.

All the best to the folks running Nova Wild. “Planned” as a “non-profit venture” makes the business model sort of a mystery, but like the potential lawsuit when someone gets hurt, I’m not going to think about it.

Personally I just saved like 20 grand on an African safari so I’m feelin’ pretty good right now.