Those of you outside the state of Virginia may not be familiar with Sugar Shack Donuts. (Yeah, you hear that name and you like it already.) Probably a little more fancy than you’re thinking, and a little more expensive, but worth every penny. These doughnuts aren’t just for breakfast and cops. These are the doughnuts you have at your wedding. The pride of Richmond, Sugar Shack has a dozen locations in the Old Dominion State (and one in D.C.), most recently the Lansdowne section of Leesburg. Recent as in, like, yesterday, with a grand opening several years in the making.

I’d seen advertisements for the opening online and in the weekly rag I pick up for free at our local Harris Teeter (still beats the Post). Thursday, October 3, 8 a.m., free doughnuts to the first 50 customers.

You had me at free.

I should say that “free” for me includes not waiting in line, so I knew going in it was a gamble. My plan was to show up about 8:03 and see whether I was among the first 50. This is D.C. Everybody works, and everybody gets to work early. I have the benefit of not needing to be at work until 8:30, so two minutes at the doughnut shop directly on my way I can do.

I pulled into the lot. A couple dozen people I would say outside the door. Okay, good. But it’s 8:03; why are they not inside?

As I approach I see the problem. Far from getting free doughnuts, these 20 or 30 people are… listening to speeches from politicians! Politicians… news folks… giant ribbon-cutting scissors. Ack! Where am I, Binghamton? Is that Tom Libous over there?

Waiting for the speeches to finish makes these doughnuts not free. I left doughnutless.

I rarely use the word “Binghamtonian” positively.

This isn’t one of those times either.