It is here. The most anticipated holiday and hotly debated political topic of the year: Black Friday. Mark my words, before the decade is out we’ll be calling Thanksgiving “Black Friday Eve.”

Black Friday is the day on which no one admits to shopping, yet everyone seems to do so. Why the hell would stores be open if they had no customers? Ditto being open on Black Friday Eve or any other day of the year for that matter. This year I’ve read more “Black Friday shopping protest” articles than I ever have before, yet I’m pretty sure the only things people aren’t buying this season are newspapers. How ironic. Unsuccessful dig at capitalism from out friends in the media. Nice try, suckers. And the only thing keeping your dying industry afloat is… Black Friday ads!

How ironic.

So shop away, friends, and good luck to ya. Especially all amateurs who shop only on this day every year. Kinda like bars on Thanksgiving Eve, actually.

Make that Black Friday Eve Eve.