The most contentious political race in American history is not between two candidates.

It is a yes/no ballot initiative currently on the table in Virginia.

Until tomorrow, when we vote on the damn thing. And my God I’ll be happy to see the end of this one.

In case you’ve been under a large boulder or two on some foreign planet the past few months you have no doubt heard of the proposed constitutional amendment in Virginia to… yeah, something about redistricting… nobody really knows. All you’ve heard is that the devil is behind it. Both yes and no. Satan is behind both answers depending on whom you ask.

Here’s the full question.

“Should the Constitution of Virginia be amended to allow the General Assembly to temporarily adopt new congressional districts to restore fairness in the upcoming elections, while ensuring Virginia’s standard redistricting process resumes for all future redistricting after the 2030 census?”

Wait, no, that’s from The Onion. The real one is…

“Should the Constitution of Virginia be amended to allow the General Assembly to temporarily adopt new congressional districts to restore fairness in the upcoming elections, while ensuring Virginia’s standard redistricting process resumes for all future redistricting after the 2030 census?”

Clear. As. Mud. (Seriously, who writes these things?)

I have multiple degrees in political science and taught social sciences at the college level for several years. I had to read that question half a dozen times before I could grasp even a clue of what it meant.

Luckily for me I know a thing or two about state and national politics, and more importantly I know a thing or two about people. This is what people do when they see someone cheating: they want to cheat too.

Remember gerrymandering from high school civics courses? Yeah, the thing where you monkey with the district lines so they favor your own party? When you’re in charge you get to draw the lines. What a great Grinchy trick.

And in several places around the country, Republicans have pulled that little trick to increase their chances of holding majorities in state legislatures. Yup, the people who favor small government. My people. Nice job, guys.

Now we come to Virginia, where the usual procedure as I understand it is to have a bipartisan commission draw the district lines in a presumably fair manner. (I usually laugh when I hear “bipartisan commission” and quickly reach for my wallet, but at least I know compromise is better than outright chicanery.)

Currently in Virginia Democrats hold majorities in both houses of its legislature. Setting aside that embarrassment, let’s look at what it really means: Democrats get to draw the lines. That is, assuming they get to override this silly “bipartisan commission.” All they’ve got to do is get the public to go along with it on this ballot initiative. “Restoring fairness.” Read: allowing cheating. Because other states have cheated in the other direction. Yeah, a “yes” here has nothing to do with fairness. A “yes” is for gerrymandered districts. Because that makes it “fair” against all those gerrymandered districts that favor Republicans. Thanks, Obama… for explaining that one to me in your commercials.

Note how “the fairness” runs out in 2030. Yeah, that one took me a minute too. What if God forbid the other party is in control come 2030? You don’t want to give that gerrymander power forever, right? Oh, the tangled web we weave.

The problem is that we allowed cheating to occur in the first place. Like most genies, this one ain’t gonna go back in the bottle easily. The only thing to do at this point is end partisan map-drawing. If we’re smart enough to figure out how to make them unfair presumably we could figure out how to make them fair. Or have a robot do it. They do everything else. Have legit two-party compromise everywhere, and with a large enough sample size the minor fluctuations I’m guessing would balance out. But neither party wants to be the first to lose a turn in this little game.

So let’s look at an even bigger problem: why all of this is so important in the first place.

That both parties have spent millions of dollars pushing their yes or no is of no surprise to me. (Said Indiana Jones: Nothing shocks me; I’m a scientist.) Spend millions to get to control billions. It’s an investment. (At the national level it’s spend billions to control trillions.) Answer: make the prize less. But that genie is even tougher to get back in the bottle.

Personally I’ve done my part by not voting. I think casting a ballot only encourages them, and I don’t really like to do that. I’ve got other ways to express my opinions. Three times a week, as a matter of fact, plus 15 minutes on a podcast.

And I’ve got a little extra time to work on my hobby this week, as there is this bit of ridiculousness as well…

Schools are closed tomorrow in my home county and many counties around the commonwealth. (Another “Teacher Work Day.” Just what we need: teachers doing paperwork while kids sit at home.) Yeah, to satisfy the seven old people who are coming to vote in person we’ve got to shut down an entire school system, over a hundred thousand people in Loudoun County counting students and staff, to say nothing of inconvenienced parents. We can all vote by mail now, people. If you’re worried about the post office I can’t see how you trust those 1960s voting machines either.

Allow me a plug for Internet voting.

That’s a ballot initiative I’d vote yes on.