Much ado about Walmart

Much has been made about Walmart’s recent decision to raise its part-time workers’ hourly wage to $10 an hour, beginning April 1st and continuing into 2016. To some it’s as though Ebenezer Scrooge paused halfway through A Christmas Carol and said, “Okay, Cratchit, whatever you want.”

Has Walmart gone soft? Is it caving to public pressure? Is it secretly in league with the feds to put one over on the public at large? (This one’s as likely as any other.)

I’m not sure the exact reason for Walmart’s rationale, but I’m guessing it has more to do with business than with good will, good feelings, or good public relations. Ten-dollar-an-hour employees are better than seven-dollar-an-hour employees, and perhaps this will make for lesser turnover. (And I’m not discounting better PR.)

Point is, this is strictly business.

And what do our friends on the left say? Do they say, “Thanks, Walmart”?

Nope.

It’s not enough.

Have you noticed that it’s never enough with these people? Make the minimum wage $20 an hour and they want $25. Make it 100 and they’d want it to be 110. They have an ingrained sense that business is somehow out to get them, and that only by wise and benevolent government can we combat this evil.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have bad news. I have seen the enemy, and he’s the wise and benevolent.

Tiger’s career more an enigma than ever

To say Tiger Woods is past his prime is like referring to a puddle as a snowman past his prime. It’s been nearly seven years since Tiger Woods won a major and a year and a half since he finished higher than 40th in one. His off-the-course problems have made the once likable Woods into a pariah, and the thing people think of rather than his golfing achievements. His golfing achievements, as they are, are many. But if he walked away from the game today we’d forever think what might have been rather than what was.
It was more than five years ago that Tiger Woods took his first sabbatical from golf, and for five years I assumed he’d be able to climb his way to the top again. Sure, he’s won some tournaments, and for a time regained his position as the world’s #1, but he’s never been Tiger Woods again. Never been the transformative figure who introduced me and a generation to the game of golf. Or what golf became, because it was never your dad’s golf again.
Well, now it might be.
Recently, U.S. PGA Tour commissioner Tim Finchem has started fielding questions along the lines of what if Tiger Woods steps away permanently? Finchem claims the tour can handle it. “It’s good news, bad news,” he says. Right. Good news that all those fans drawn in by Woods will find new ways to spend their money. Tiger was good for business, remember, not just a pretty face. Now a group of no-names will compete for his crown? A new generation of golf fans will have to watch that one. When Tiger steps away–and maybe he has already–the game won’t be the same for me. This is surely the end of an era, my childhood dealt another blow. Yup, I grew up with Tiger Woods. Funny thing is, he’s only a few years older than I am. The cool older brother I never met.
There was a time when Tiger Woods was a lock to break Jack Nicklaus’s career record of 18 major championship victories. Woods won his 14th at age 32, and he’s been stuck there ever since. Many doubt he’ll win one more let alone five. Ah, but the drama and excitement that would follow even one more Woods victory. Like Derek Jeter’s final Yankee Stadium at bat, it would be magical.
And the kid who broke all the rules and all the records was now the old man, recapturing youth for a weekend for himself and his fans. Ah, that will be sweet.

All snow and no play…

The amount of snow outside my house right now is beyond ridiculous. This storm has now not only cost me money and time but has cut into my son’s birthday festivities and that is unacceptable. Global warming has forsaken us yet again.

At this point allow me now to posit a different scientific theory. I’m no adherent to theories of global warming, of course, but I have noticed over 32 years of life there have been changes in winter weather patterns. For example, when I was a kid it seemed to be coldest in December and January. In February it started to warm up by the end of the month and March I considered springtime. In the past 10 or 15 years I’ve considered December more and more to be just a continued version of late autumn and winter weather to have extended into March. Seriously, winter has been shifting over the past decade or more and by 2015 it’s extremely noticeable. This is the second winter in a row we’ve had a major snowstorm (actually two last year) in March. And I live in Virginia! I’m convinced that we miscalculated time somehow and are now off by several weeks on the “real” day of the year. To my estimation it’s still the middle of February and we should adjust our calendars thusly. Sound ridiculous? They did it in 1752. And they’re always adding in leap seconds and leap minutes they just don’t tell you about. Today’s February 15. Who’s with me?

And I really think I have been cooped up inside too long.

From the sad to the sublime

It’s hard for me to believe it, but tomorrow my son turns one year old. Obviously he has no idea, but his mom and I are pretty excited.

Jerry Seinfeld has told us that your first birthday and your last birthdays are pretty similar. In both cases someone else does your party planning, tells you who your friends are, and helps you blow out the candles on your cake. Franklin, here’s the deal: I’ll do yours this time and you can get mine at the end.

And let’s have many, many in between.

Joe, 1982-2006

Since 2006 the date March 2nd has meant only one thing to me. This was the day my best friend for all eternity, Joe Sullivan, was killed in an automobile accident at the age of 23. Over the past nine years people have asked me whether I think about Joe every day.

Nope.

About every 15 minutes.

I’ve tried to make this date not one of sadness but one of fond remembrance. Remembering the good times and also being aware of how many friendships I do have and how lucky I’ve been. Joe’s death was an obvious reminder not to take anything for granted, and to experience every joy in life that you can while you are able to do so. Joe did, and I don’t think I’ve ever found a better life lesson than this one.

Goodbye, Parks and Rec

Wednesday night I watched the final episode of Parks and Recreation on “tape delay.” Did the fact that I watched it on my tablet, 24 hours after everyone else saw it on TV, take away from the experience a bit? Perhaps, but perhaps I also must accept the fact that this is how TV is viewed in 2015. Series finales are not the TV spectaculars of yesterday.

There are only three shows in the history of television I’ve enjoyed that most of the main characters work for the government: Parks and RecreationM*A*S*H, and House of Cards.

Speaking of which, commence House of Cards marathon in 5…4…3…

Fifty years ago this week

Fifty years ago this week our nation lost one of the great leaders of the Civil Rights Movement. He was felled by a hail of assassins’ bullets on February 21, 1965, by former associates from the Nation of Islam. Though not as celebrated as some other black leaders of the era, Malcolm X to me is a figured to be studied and remembered as much as any other.

Most people of my generation know Malcolm X from Spike Lee’s biopic of the man made nearly thirty years after his death. If you haven’t seen it yet, my God, watch it and watch it often. Few movies show music, crime, style, politics, and violence so well. Not exactly the black Godfather, but it’s up there.

If you have a little more time I recommend The Autobiography of Malcolm X, written by the man in collaboration with Alex “Roots” Haley and published shortly after the subject’s death in 1965. It’s amazingly (and sadly) prophetic, and is both entertaining and engrossing without trivializing its importance.

I’m hardly the first person to point out that Malcolm X’s philosophy, by today’s standards (perhaps yesterday’s standards as well), are remarkably conservative in tone. Do things for yourself and don’t expect the government to help you. Yup, that’s it in a nutshell. This is the man who said he’d rather have Goldwater as president in 1964 than Lyndon Johnson. Amen, brother. And by the end of his life he’d stopped calling white people the devil. Thanks.

One wishes today’s race hustlers and sycophants could be so honest about such matters. I suppose race relations have improved, on the whole, over the past 50 years, and the work of men like Malcolm X should not be overlooked as responsible for achieving such.

Watching movies like a kid

One of the great things about being an adult is periodically getting to recreate your childhood. Case in point: last night’s Oscars.

This is the part in most Oscar recaps for kvetching about who won and who lost. Being familiar with exactly zero of the movies up for any of the awards I… got to feel like a kid again. Yup, The Lego Movie was awesome. Didn’t win any awards? Whatever. I’m eating junk food and going to bed.

That’s adulthood right there.

SI’s swimsuits don’t cover much

If there’s one thing that can get us through a harsh winter it’s Sports Illustrated‘s annual swimsuit edition. Kudos for still being able to get away with that in 2015.

I’ve seen quite a number of articles and much Internet buzz glowingly referring to SI‘s showing “curvier” models in this year’s issue.

Please.

No complaints about the attractiveness of this year’s models, but calling any of them curvy is like saying Tom Brady and I are pretty much in the same ballpark when it comes to throwing footballs.

Political correctness has come full circle when we start calling the perfect ones something less than ideal so they don’t feel left out.