Attention, all fair-weather fans:
It is now safe to come out! With its four-nothing shutout win yesterday my local NHL team—that would be the Washington Capitals—has now won five games in a row.
Don’t look now, but hockey season has arrived!
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‘Twas the day after Christmas and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring.
Because we took today off too.
Break out the aluminum pole and prepare the feats of strength… it’s Festivus time again.
For further thoughts on how to celebrate (among other things), check out this week’s episode of Math and Musings.
It’s that time of year again: full report on this year’s Christmas list. Christmas schedule, actually, not list. “List” is the people I send cards to. “Schedule” is the things one must do between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Here’s the official schedule for 2022, with alterations from last year noted. (Seventy-eight items are now up to eighty-eight.) I’ve got only four to go this year, namely the four that must happen closer to Christmas itself: chips and dip (#51), watching the “Festivus” episode of Seinfeld on Festivus (#11), then cinnamon rolls for breakfast (#45) and crescent rolls for dinner (#46) on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. Or both.
In addition to those four, here are the 84 I’ve done already.
Things to do between Thanksgiving and Christmas, 2022 edition
First two:
1. Listen to Frank Sinatra’s A Jolly Christmas from Frank Sinatra. Recorded in 1957, it set the bar high for holiday albums. Preferably listened to on long-playing record, where one can easily note the change in mood from contemporary (side one) to traditional (side two), I like to listen to this album in its entirety late on Thanksgiving evening.
2. Put up Christmas lights in the den. Nothing looks better than the glow of your television backlit by multi-colored bulbs.
Speaking of your TV… watch these Christmas specials.
3. A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)
4. It’s Christmastime Again, Charlie Brown (1992)
5. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964)
6. How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (1966)
7. Frosty the Snowman (1969)
8. Frosty Returns (1992)
9. A Garfield Christmas (1987)
10. “Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire” (first full episode of TheSimpsons; original airdate: December 17, 1989)
11. “The Strike” (the “Festivus” episode of Seinfeld; original airdate: December 18, 1997)
12. “Classy Christmas” episode of The Office (original airdate: December 9, 2010)
13. “The Night of the Meek” episode of The Twilight Zone (original airdate: December 23, 1960)
14. “Road to the North Pole” episode of Family Guy, original airdate: December 12, 2010
15. “Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo” episode of South Park (original airdate: December 17, 1997)
16-19. Four episodes of The Wonder Years, Christmas-themed episodes from Seasons 2 and Seasons 4-6 (1988 and 1990-92)
20. The BBC broadcast of Raymond Briggs’ The Snowman. (One of those rare circumstances in which the movie is better than the book.) Double bonus if you watch the American version with an intro from that famous American, David Bowie!
21. Mickey’s Christmas Carol (1983). Dickens got nothin’ on this one.
*22. Mickey’s Once Upon a Christmas (1999). Without credits this one’s only an hour, so I moved it this year from the full-length movie list to the shorty list.
And now the aforementioned full-length movies one must watch.
23. Home Alone (1990)
24. A Christmas Story (1983)
25. Elf (2003)
26. Christmas Vacation (1989)
27. Holiday Inn (1942)
28. White Christmas (1954)
29. It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)
30. Bad Santa (2003).
*31. 8-bit Christmas (2021) This one’s going to make Top 365 too.
*32. Single All the Way (2021) Possible 365 addition.
*33. Happiest Season (2020) Further proof that the new ones are growing on me.
*34. Vegas Vacation (1997) It really has nothing to do with Christmas, but I watched it one year at Christmas time and it just made sense.
*35. Hook (1991) Sort of a Christmas movie.
*36. A Christmas Story Christmas (2022) Another possible 365 addition.
Certain things you’ll want to eat or drink…
37. Coca-Cola (the beverage of Christmas)
38. an old-school regular peppermint candy cane
39. those white nougat candies with the tree image in the center
40. those cheap shortbread cookies that are dyed pink or green and are surprisingly delicious, not to be confused with the ones that come in the blue tins
41. those cookies that come in the blue tins
42. a chocolate orange (why do they not sell these all year?!)
43. chocolate bar wrapped to look like a hundred-dollar bill (same question as above)
44. Martinelli’s sparkling cider
45. cinnamon rolls for breakfast (Christmas Eve or Christmas Day)
46. crescent rolls for dinner (same)
47. S’mores. Homemade. Preferably prepared outside, but inside if you must.
48. one of those Reece’s peanut butter “trees”
49. Stovetop popcorn. Strung up, eaten, or both.
50. hot chocolate
51. Chips and dip. My only childhood memory of my father’s parents house is eating potato chips and sour cream and onion dip on Christmas Eve from a garish ’70s-era green chip-and-dip bowl set. In your recreation any bowl will do.
52. Peppermint stick ice cream (I used to insist upon Perry’s as the brand but Trader Joe’s makes a mean one now too.)
*53. Wendy’s Peppermint Frosty (tell Wendy to bring this back every year)
54. egg nog
55. Grown-up egg nog
*56. Peppermint Bark
*57. One (or more) of those “holiday” pies from McDonald’s. Yeah, “holiday.” They can’t even say what kind of fruit or cream or whatever it is. It’s just holiday deliciousness.
Things to hear…
Other than Sinatra’s album (see #1) there are four that must be listened to in their entirety.
58. Vince Guaraldi Trio’s A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)
59. Tony Bennett’s A Swingin’ Christmas. Recorded with the Count Basie Big Band in 2008, proof that at 82, the man could still swing.
60. Ella Fitzgerald’s Ella Wishes You a Swinging Christmas. Recorded in 1960, it took nearly a half century for another Christmas album to swing as hard.
61. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, full album that accompanied the movie including instrumental bonus tracks.
62. My own Christmas playlists on Spotify, now totaling nearly six hours of holiday music.
Other things to see, hear, taste, read, do, or experience.
*63. Check out the red lights lining Georgetown Parkway at Krop’s Crops in Great Falls. Which they didn’t have up this year, so head a little further up the Parkway to Pots and Plants. Best decorations on a business in Loudoun or Fairfax Counties.
64. But still get your tree from Krop’s.
*65. Red stripes on my front porch pillars? Nope, don’t have pillars any more. But I do have a giant tree out front… which has been wrapped like a 20-foot-tall candy cane. I get to do it because I was the one in my neighborhood who thought of it first.
66. Take a journey out to the Meadowlark Botanical Gardens in Vienna (Virginia, not Austria) and walk through the “Winter Walk of Lights.” Worth the walk.
67. Drive through the Bull Run Festival of Lights (Centreville, Va.), amazingly even better than the walk-through at Meadowlark, seen from the comfort of your car.
68. See a performance of The Nutcracker, or at least listen to the “soundtrack” in its entirety.
69. Enjoy an evening at home watching that yule log image on your television.
70. Find a Christmas party at someone’s house (preferably way nicer than your own house) and go there. Bonus points if you’re playing the piano and getting paid to be there.
71. Donate toys to charity.
72. Get one of those fancy cheese calendars from Aldi and enjoy delicious foreign cheese every day in December.
73. Deposit money in one of those Salvation Army red kettles.
74. Read Truman Capote’s “One Christmas.”
75. Read Truman Capote’s “A Christmas Memory.” Double bonus points if you pair it with #76.
76. Have Jack Daniel’s on Sinatra’s birthday (December 12). This really has nothing to do with Christmas but it does fall in the season. You should have Jack Daniel’s from time to time anyway just to be reminded of what a real drink tastes like, before the world was overrun by girly cocktails and macchiatos with skim milk.
Places to go…
78. The mall. Every community has a place simply referred to as “the mall.” Go there and experience the true meaning of Christmas.
79. A giant decorated tree in a shopping plaza (again, everyone has one… or in Loudoun County we have about a dozen).
80. Big Lots… trust me, weird off-brand Christmas stuff.
81. Dunkin’ Donuts… best Christmas displays of your standard commercial food operations.
*82. Visit “the intersection” in Great Falls, Virginia. This is where Georgetown Parkway meets Walker Road, basically the only intersection in town. Highlighted by the Village Centre shopping mall (classy enough to warrant the British spelling of centre), this corner is pretty much 360 degrees of holiday cheer. Drink in the holiday awesomeness.
83. Read Mercer Mayer’s Merry Christmas Mom and Dad.
84. Watch one of your old home movies filmed at Christmastime. Double bonus points if it’s on VHS.
85. Make a new home movie. Triple a million bonus points if you’re recording it on VHS. Minus a million points if you’re recording on your phone.
And finally, everyone has his or her own unique Christmas toys or games that have special meaning. Make these your last three. For me I have two from my childhood and one from adulthood.
86. The mouse Advent calendar. Back before Advent calendars were ubiquitous (and could set you back 20, 50, or 100 bucks depending how adult you wanted them to be), I had a simple cloth calendar that hung on my bedroom door. There were 24 pockets, and each day a little toy mouse moved from pouch to pouch, producing a toy, money, or treat each day. I’ve now given Franklin the calendar and he’s brought the tradition into the 21st century. I’m also on the third generation of cats who like to steal that little mouse.
87. The dancing Coca-Cola bear. Purchased in about 1993, this item always makes me smile. It’s a stuffed bear, about a foot tall, holding an upright bass and wearing sunglasses. It sits on a pedestal adorned with the Coca-Cola label, and dances to a medley of “Jingle Bells” and “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing.”
88. Also from the world of Coke memorabilia… a Holiday 2005 glass bottle which sits on my bookshelf 12 months a year. The beverage was consumed more than a dozen years ago but the bottle looks like it just came off the factory line. It was the last thing my father ever gave me. (Well, last physical thing.)
Seven and a half years later, today’s the day.
With apologies to Truman Capote, this is my new favorite Christmas memory.
In the words of Linus Van Pelt…
“Lights, please!”
I lived the first 30 years of my life in upstate New York. Binghamton, to be exact. (Eight inches of snow yesterday but that’s hardly news.)
This is still technically “home.”
As I have said many times, I only go home for gigs and funerals.
For once it’s not a funeral.
Monday night I’m bringing the act to the Goodwill Theatre in Johnson City, a mile and a half from my childhood home.
Tickets are still available.
And for more information, check out today’s episode of Math and Musings.
The latest sensation to hit the Internet these days, of course, is “Pilk,” the unholy combination of Pepsi and milk touted by, among others, actress Lindsay Lohan.
“Grasping at straws,” is how I’d describe that one.
Drinking straws, no doubt.
Also known as a “dirty soda,” the pairing of soda and milk has been around for some time. I mean, we all tried mixing things together when we were growing up, right? In those days before YouTube kept us occupied? To me the Pepsi-Cola company, here, is just trying to monetize what’s basically a baking soda volcano–a neat trick but not much else.
For a hundred years Coca-Cola has been the beverage of Christmas, no question. Remember when Fuller drank Pepsi in the original Home Alone? That faux pas should have made him the one they left at home. On purpose. (And remember in Home Alone 2 when every five seconds someone is either drinking a Coke or looking at an advertisement for a Coke? Yeah, that’s no accident.)
“Pilk” is a desperate attempt by Pepsi Inc. to horn in on Coke’s holiday territory. I’m not falling for it.
Thirty years after being a child star and decades into her grownup stardom Lindsay Lohan is still bringing it.
But it’ll take a Christmas miracle to save this one.
In a season of festive days and celebrations, December 12 is certainly one of my favorites.
Among other things it’s the anniversary of the birth of one Francis Albert Sinatra, high priest of classy and cool.
It was many years ago that I began celebrating the Sinatra compleanno with a glass of his signature beverage: the sour mash whiskey produced in Lynchburg, Tennessee, known as… Jack Daniel’s.
Before the world was overrun by girly cocktails and macchiatos with skim milk there was Jack Daniel’s.
Every once in a while you should have one to remind you what a real drink tastes like.
Some years after I began this tradition I began paring it with another. Perhaps related or perhaps unrelated as an amusing gag I started reading Truman Capote’s “A Christmas Memory” on December 12, accompanied by the aforementioned beverage. I call it “Jack and Capote.” On the literary side it’s perhaps my favorite short story of all time, and I’ve been reading it every year at Christmastime since before I was allowed to pair it with a grownup beverage.
Tonight it’ll be Jack Daniel’s.
Like Sinatra.
I may not have written the book on movies, but I did write a book on movies, several of which I’ve enjoyed watching over the past two weeks. As you may be aware, there are certain movies that should be watched at certain times of the year, and Christmastime is Exhibit A.
For a further discussion, buy a copy of my book.
In a hurry? Listen to today’s episode of Math and Musings.
Last week we received word that my wife’s childhood babysitter had passed away. She was 94 years old, and by all indications had lived a full life.
I aspire.
Though my wife had not seen her in over 20 years it was still sad. A death is always sad, regardless of whether it’s expected, surprising, or involves someone you hadn’t talked to in years.
Or you knew him but he didn’t know you.
Enter one of my childhood babysitters, Bob McGrath.
Truth be told I never met Bob McGrath. I just hung out with him every afternoon for a solid decade or so. Like my wife and her former babysitter I hadn’t seen Bob in over 20 years (closer to 30, actually), but news of his death this week was as sad as if I’d just seen him ’round the old neighborhood.
The neighborhood?
Sesame Street, of course.
Bob McGrath played “Bob” on Sesame Street for nearly half a century, and was one of the show’s most popular humans for several generations of fans. A graduate of the Manhattan School of Music, McGrath was an accomplished musician and actor, but everyone knows him simply as “Bob” from Sesame Street. By all accounts he was just as kind and gentle in real life as he was on the show; the sweater wasn’t an affectation. He’d been married to Mrs. McGrath since 1958 and they had five children and eight grandchildren on top of the millions who saw him as such on TV. Basically he’s the reason Mr. Rogers rarely came to Sesame Street; they already had a Mr. Rogers.
R.I.P. Bob McGrath. Thanks for the memories.