Mike O'Connell

An earlier incarnation of myself used to refer to weeks like this as “birthday weeks.” Yeah, it took a whole week to squeeze in birthday activities back then, back when we had to go places and do things in real life.

Now I could have a virtual birthday in pretty much any way I wanted and celebrate with people all over the world, and I’m a few quick photoshops away from making it look like I went everywhere for my birthday too.

But my real challenge these days is making sure no one finds out it’s my birthday or knows how old I’m turning.

That one actually gets easier every year.

The most useless and overrated word in the English language is please.

It’s polite and all, sometimes pretty, and can fool some people some of the time, sure.

Some even call it magic.

I never do, and like honor to Falstaff, I simply call it a word.

“Please” never sways my opinion, nor changes my action.

Would you do this for me? is the exact same thing as Would you do this for me, please?

If I wanted to do it, and were capable of doing it, the addendum wouldn’t change anything.

If I didn’t want to do it, or were incapable of so doing… same thing.

Would you move this mountain for me?

No.

Would you move this mountain for me, please?

Same answer.

But I said please.

See Rule #1.

“Thank you” is many times a useful phrase, often coupled with the aforementioned please.

Please and thank you could not be more dissimilar.

“Thank you” is a pleasant thing to say after someone has produced for you a good or rendered you a service.

I say it often, because why wouldn’t I? And I appreciate hearing it, because it does in fact make me more likely to produce for you a good or render you a service in the future.

Regardless of whether accompanied by the word please.

Today on Math and Musings Franklin and I discuss in full the tasty new dessert offering teased here last Wednesday. The Wendy’s Frosty has collaborated with Oreo, possibly out-Oreo’d the Oreo, and now been given the Franklin treatment as well.

That’s the food trifecta right there.

“Economy remains stable.”

This is the page-one headline from my local weekly (that would be Loudoun Times-Mirror) last Friday, no doubt allaying fears among the anxious citizenry, so used to scrolling through doom-and-gloom pieces on social media.

“Economy remains stable.”

Can’t accuse LTM of clickbait.

Friday you’ll hear me and Franklin discuss the Oreoification of the Oreo cookie, though the real leader in Oreoifying these days goes to Wendy’s and its famed Frosty dessert. It took them 37 years to come up with vanilla as a flavor alternative; now the options exploded into permutations usually reserved for perfect brackets and BK Whoppers.

Stop into a Wendy’s today and you’ll have a choice of 14 different Frosty flavors, each one a little more ridiculous than the last. It’s all cheating, of course, as the flavors are just toppings to the traditional vanilla and chocolate, but if we were calling “pineapple” a different flavor then I guess Pop-Tarts Strawberry Frosty Fusion’s one too. Monday Wendy’s announced the three new “fusion” flavors: Pop-Tarts Strawberry, Oreo Brownie, and Caramel Crunch. Couple this with the “swirl” flavors introduced last month (strawberry, caramel, and brownie), and yes, you really do have 14 different options. I’d trade it all for that Orange Dreamsicle to make its return, but in the meantime I guess fusions and swirls will have to do.

At nearly eight dollars (for a large) and over 1100 calories they’ve really gone the bigger-is-better route on these, so think about sharing with a friend before diving into one.

If for no other reason than to split the bill.