“Diversity” agents are never satisfied

The article referenced here is about a month old, but I’ve got a baby and am therefore behind the times.

CNN headline from May 26, 2015: “Fashion, plus-size modeling and race: When ‘diversity’ isn’t so diverse.” Yeah, the folks who clamor for “regular”-looking people (read: overweight) to be featured in magazine ads are now upset that more, let’s say people of color are not used in said ads.

What we have here is proof of two things: 1.) Our opponents will never be satisfied; and 2.) Even with 2015 politically-correct sensibilities (is that an oxy moron?) in place, it still comes down to appearances and physical characteristics, doesn’t it?

Speech codes come to Berkeley

This one’s about a week old and therefore ancient history in media years, so most of the world has already forgotten about the hubbub surrounding the University of California’s system-wide policing of racist and sexist “microagressions” in writing and speech.

But I haven’t.

The real creation of this monster actually goes back to this past January, when UC’s president Janet Napolitano (remember her?) sent a letter to her deans and department chairs inviting them to attend seminars “to foster informed conversation about the best way to build and nurture a productive academic climate.”

Yup.

You see, phrases such as America is a melting pot, America is the land of opportunity, and I believe the most qualified person should get the job, can no longer be tolerated at that beacon of free speech, the University of California’s flagship school at Berkeley or any of its subsidiaries. To be fair, these phrases aren’t technically illegal, just, you know, frowned upon because “brief, subtle verbal or non-verbal exchanges that send denigrating messages to the recipient because of his or her group membership (such as race, gender, age or socio-economic status).”

Non-verbal? Are you kidding m—oh God, I’ve said too much.

So-called microaggressions, the argument goes, can lead to “hostile learning environment[s],” which politically-correct types view as legally actionable.

Eep.

But don’t worry, this won’t play any role in grades or tenure or hiring or firing or anything like that, because, you know… Everyone can succeed in this society, if they work hard enough.

Whoops.

[Editor’s note: The only thing that offends me about that last sentence is the grammatical error!]

Film about Binghamton nails it

Last week I had the pleasure of seeing a movie I’d been hearing about for roughly half a decade or so: The Rewrite, starring Hugh Grant and Marisa Tomei. What was the hook that got me to watch this maudlin piece of Hollywood tripe?

It takes place in my hometown.

Yup. Binghamton, New York. And seriously, it’s no incidental mention. Binghamton is a character the way New York is a character in old Woody Allen movies. The movie is about Binghamton. Or rather, it’s about Binghamton, and I have no idea how that plays if you’re not actually from there. I spent nearly 30 years of my life there, and for the most part The Rewrite nails it. Heck, the main plot line is that the protagonist hates that he has to live in Binghamton!

Director Marc Lawrence, who has teamed with Hugh Grant now in four films, is a 1981 graduate of Binghamton University (we called it SUNY back then), and luckily for him Binghamton’s been in a freeze-frame timewarp since then, so the Binghamton he remembers from 1981 is precisely what it looks like today. Well, it might be a little scummier but it’s basically the same.

Serling. Spiedies. Rain. Carousels. It’s all in there. And who knew J.K. Simmons and Allison Janney were going to pop up in the film too? My thought pretty much was: my God, those are real actors in this home movie… wait a minute, this is a real movie.

Predicable at every turn, The Rewrite isn’t going to win any Academy Awards. (Have you ever seen a chick flick before? Yup, you know how it ends.) But the characters, the acting, (some) of the scenery, and, in a starring role, the music make The Rewrite an ultimately enjoyable film, whether you’re from Binghamton or not.

And for your sake I hope you’re not.

Ha! They even get that right too.

Deflate-gate still looms over Brady

A question.

Which was longer: the monstrous pregame show heading into this year’s Super Bowl game, or the appeal hearing yesterday for star quarterback and scapegoat Tom Brady’s suspension for his involvement in the so-called Deflate-gate scandal?

Answer: windbags with law degrees beat windbags with TV microphones every day of the week.

Now we await the real fate of Tom Brady, who as of this moment faces a four-game suspension for his involvement for the underinflation (is that a word?) of footballs preceding the 2015 AFC Championship Game. Brady is appealing his suspension as all scrappy victims do.

What the hell kind of topsy-turvy world am I living in that Tom Brady–football hero married to supermodel–is an underdog? Add him to the 2015 lovable long shot list with LeBron James, Alex Rodriguez, and Tiger Woods. I suppose you can throw Pete Rose and the Confederate flag in there too, but let’s face it, the Confederates have been underdogs since 1860. And for the first time in a century in a half, ain’t nobody rooting for them these days.

But Brady? Well, first time in a decade and a half for me this season, because you know I love an underdog.

Commence Summer Camp!

If you’re me, yesterday was the last day of summer vacation: the few days between the end of school and the beginning of summer camp that always seems to pass too quickly.

Today’s the first day of summer camp at our local community center, and yours truly will be presiding. The kids call me “Mr. Mike,” or sometimes “Dr. Who.” Mostly I’m some actor they can’t name, or someone that reminds them of Bill Nye.

Please, kids. It’s the Bill Nye of Poly Sci, and don’t you forget it. Now let’s see if we can all keep our phones away long enough to remember we’re on vacation.

Rules my father taught me

Over the years I’ve seen many lists labeled something like “Lessons my father taught me.” Usually they are things Dad never actually said, but you eventually picked up anyway. Maybe you were an adult or a dad yourself before you grasped them fully. Regardless, the lessons are invariably righteous and becoming.

My father’s been gone for almost a decade, but over that time I’ve pieced together some of those things he might have said were he around. The thing is, most of them are not noble or decent. They’re practical, and above all genuine. These are the real rules my father taught me, though he never actually said any of them. Franklin, I give this list to you.

 

Rules My Father Taught Me

1. Put yourself first.

2. Never let work get in the way of your hobbies.

3. Make sure other people are more indebted to you than you are to them.

4. Stash away as much money as possible.

5. But if you really want something you should buy it.

6. The only person you can really trust is yourself.

7. There is no need to meddle in the lives of others.

8. It doesn’t matter what other people think of you, including your relatives, friends, and coworkers.

9. When in doubt, consult Rule #1.

10. Every once in a while, do something selfless and generous, just to keep people on their toes.

First day of summer

I know scientists will tell me summer doesn’t actually begin for a few more days, but let’s face it, if you’re in school, summer starts when school’s out. For the first time in 15 years I’m on that schedule, and couldn’t be happier to be off today. (Oh, if the students ever found out that teachers love snow days and summer vacation way more than they do…)

Summer camp doesn’t start until Monday, so I’ve got a few days off in between. How am I spending them? Road trip? Fishing expedition? Rock and roll fantasy camp? Nope. It’s Camp Summerintown around here, and furthermore it’s Father-Son Day today. That’s the thing I enjoy doing most in life, and I plan to make it an annual tradition.

“Real” Father’s Day is this Sunday, and I’m looking forward to that one too. Stay tuned, this Friday, for a special Father’s Day-themed post. For now I’m milking these three days of summer vacation for everything they’re worth.

Entourage movie is awesome… obviously

I don’t go to the movies often (actually never), but I’ve had Entourage circled on my calendar since literally years before anyone admitted such a thing would exist. I knew one day they’d make the hit TV series into a movie, and I’d be there the first day. Well, it wasn’t the first day and wasn’t the second, but they got my 13 bucks and it was worth every penny.

I’m not going to divulge any plot lines or outcomes here—really, what’s there to divulge? It’s just people being awesome—just to say got see it if you haven’t. And if you have, see it again. This is one of those movies that I leave in my Netflix queue even after I see it, because I figure by the time it makes its way to the top of said queue I’ll want to see it again. Same reason I own most seasons of Entourage on DVD and why I used to go out of my way to see it every Sunday, even when I didn’t have HBO. (Good to have friends.) For those of you who’ve never seen an episode of the show (first off, shame on you), you’ll still enjoy the movie. But the more familiar you are with the series and the brand the more you’ll be rewarded. (I knew all that extra studying I did would come in handy.)

Usually I say about a movie like this that no one tries too hard and I appreciate that. Well, 95 percent of the actors in this movie don’t try too hard, actors and non-actors who are just making cameos and being awesome on screen. But the main cast is trying, and those actors really are acting and doing it well. Yeah, the whole thing’s a bit contrived and maybe predictable… who cares. This is all about being awesome. It’s hip-hop for white people (I wish I came up with that one), and I approve. To borrow from a review from another of my favorite (but very different) films… it’s got a good beat and the kids can dance to it.

I’m still a kid at heart. Aren’t we all? My entourage is now my wife and son (actually I’m in their entourage), but I still like things that are awesome.

CNN kicks off The Seventies

Last night I watched the first episode of CNN’s new series, The Seventies, a follow-up to the previous decade’s series I enjoyed so much from 2014. Like the first episode of The SixtiesThe Seventies details the ups, downs, and changing face of television during the decade. Some pretty interesting stuff happened during the 1970s, and almost all of it happened on TV. The focus of last night’s show was more on “entertainment” than news, though as we were shown one of the overarching themes of the period was that so-called “entertainment” began to include hot-button and controversial political commentary for the first time, from All in the Family on down.

Kudos, CNN (can’t believe I’m saying that), once again.

And I still like the Cavs in seven.

Cavs are now the haves

The I-think-Golden-State-will-sweep-this-series just gets more and more laughable with each NBA Finals game played. Can we now say that Cleveland has a chance to win this series? Remember, they’re a Game One centimeter or two away from being able to close it out with a sweep of their own Thursday. Still the same, I see no reason why the Cavs can’t continue their winning ways and roll to an unlikely (to most) series victory.

Next up… pigs fly, Redskins win the NFC East, and Rand Paul announces he will run as a Democrat as Hillary’s vice president.